Oxidization
by AdamZeeper
Summary: Hachiman spent his summer break at the Wyoming wilderness.
1. A Change of Pace

_Thorofare Trail, Shoshone National Forest,_

_Wyoming, USA._

Loneliness is a strange feeling.

One would think that a professional loner such as I would be most familiar with the concept. Truth is, despite lacking in social contact as much as the next light novel author, as a civilized human being I am always surrounded by other members of my own species. No, the whole "alone in a crowd" concept does not count, by the way. There is a distinct difference between living alone among a society and being alone with only yourself to speak of within a kilometer radius, and even then, distractions exist; books filled with characters that provide a facsimile of human interactions and microcosm of artificial communities, and then there's the internet; no one can escape its grasp.

Yes, I can safely say that I, Hikigaya Hachiman, was never truly alone in my 17 odd years of my life, nor did I have any incentive to change that precarious balance between absolute loneliness and excessive human presence. So, imagine my surprise when past-me decided to – and to quote the thought process of me at the time – "get lost alone at somewhere foreign" and asked my parents to help, and dad's response was to send me to America?

Kami, now that I've thought about it, it sounded so flakey and random!

Perhaps it was when the monotony of life got to me and reached a critical mass, and my brain decided that it needed a big change. Maybe it was because I've been staying in one place for way too long, and the only "foreign" place I've been to in my entire life was Mount Fuji. Nevertheless, here I am, thousands of miles away from my Japan, hiking in a foreign land with only a map and a compass – no digital devices for navigation whatsoever! – on my way to my new job as a Ranger.

What? I wanted a change of pace, so I might as well make some money out of it, right? Opportunity cost, people! Besides, working here over the entire summer should cover the flight cost alone; diligent upper-class wage slaves my parents are, even they would do a double take at the exorbitant cost of flying to America. I can solve all that by doing, what, literally nothing the entire summer? The work to revenue ratio is off the chart!

After my parents gave me the go-ahead, I spent the last few days of the school year with Komachi, tell Yukinoshita and Yuigahama about dropping off the grid for the summer, and within the first day of summer break, I was onboard the plane to Wyoming.

You know, despite the romanization of the "wilderness therapy" that the Americans like to harp about, I can really see the appeal of it. Shoshone national forest is a – and I can't remember the last time I thought of this word – _beautiful _place. The mountain ridges and low pollution skyline creates an incandescent, glimmering starry night. The fresh air distracted me from my thoughts. The freedom of being truly alone amongst the forest is liberating, no human contacts and concepts of superficiality and social posturing were left behind and gah! I might never leave this place!

Within two days of hiking, I fell in love (never have I ever said this) with this forest_._

If others were to see my face right now, they would probably run away instantly upon the sight of my creepy, rotten grin.

Of course, the hike eventually comes to an end, and thus I arrived at midnight and stood tiredly outside the watchtower I was supposed to stay in for the next few foreseeable months. Honestly, as far as side jobs go, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this one might as well be heaven compared to my typical ones. But first, I need _sleep_.

I looked down at the hand-made sign near the stairs leading up the tower. _Two Forks Lookout Station,_ it stated in an obvious manner. I can almost feel the sarcasm embedded into the sign by the person who carved it. _Duh._

With uncharacteristic hesitation, I took my first step on the stair, and slowly ascend to what will be my new room.

I opened the door.

The best word to describe the room was… rustic. Every part of the building was made from wood. What little metallic objects there were in the room are either so old its more rust than metal, or unusable.

At least the pre-installed extension cord looks like it still works… nice as the view may be, but even I wouldn't be able to survive without my Vita-chan and e-books for more than a week.

There were remnants of objects that belonged to the previous owner(s). Several of those American university sports team flags I sometimes see in western media, sheets of paper filled with writings, graphic posters hanging on the wall, and various other unidentifiable objects from the darkness of the night.

A button panel was blinking on the wall, with a yellow paper note taped at the side in English writing: "Generator Switch. Turn on upon arrival."

I pushed the red button.

A small humming noise can be heard outside, and the lights within the small cabin turned on, illuminating the room in bright orange-yellow light. The room looked bigger than it was before. I looked at the bed sheets sitting on the mattress, put down my bag, and began organizing the room into a livable state.

"Hello Two Forks Tower!", a cheerful woman's voice called out from behind me while I was wrapping the mattress with the sheet. I looked behind me and saw a yellow radio I must have glossed my eyes over.

That must be the supervisor my dad told me about.

Lethargically, I walked towards the table, and slowly reach out to the radio. Just as I pick it up, however, she called out again.

"Two Forks Tower, this is Thorofare Tower, come in." the voice called again in a more business-like tone. _Ah._

My supervisor is one of those people, huh? I narrowed my eyes. With one of my 108 talents, _**Character Extrapolation**_, I can infer that this woman is one of those people who, like Hayama, put up a cheerful front for the best possible first impression, but instead of always being friendly all the time, these people, at the first sign of "incompetency" (in their mind, and this woman was just impatient), they lose that front immediately and be more neutral in their behavior. A façade, just like Hayama. Or maybe its just neurotic mood swings.

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into her with too little information. You'd think I would've learnt that by now, from my experience in the service club… Yeah, maybe I need more time before making judgement on someone, Yukinoshita would have a field day with me.

I replied automatically, "Moshi mos- uhh… I mean, hello?" I stuttered, not used to speaking English through wireless means. I have been going to cram school for English since a kid, along with Komachi, but aside from speaking with teachers, I have never spoken to strangers in English before, especially foreigners.

"Hey there!", the woman replied, regaining the previously cheerful voice, "You're the kid I was supposed to take care of? What was it…" paper rustling can be heard, "He-key-gai-ya Hachiman?" Uh…

What do I say?

"Uh, that is close enough, I guess. Is your name Delilah, by any chance?", I inquired.

"Yep, that's me. I was your father's friend, back in the day", Delilah explained.

"Well, I… uh, then it is nice to meet you, Delilah-sama" I awkwardly greeted back through the radio.

There was a pause.

"So, I think I'll go to sleep no-"

"So what's your problem?"

What?

"What?"

"Your dad told me how you needed a break from reality, so he sent you here. And nine times out of ten folks out here are pretty messed up in the head and needed said break from reality. So what's wrong?" Damn, what did dad say to her? And I thought an opportunity to open up a bit to my father about my school social problems would be healthy for me! How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?

Strangely, this reminded me of my first meeting with Yukino, in some twisted sort of way, which is why I shot back what I would've said to Yukinoshita if she were to say that:

"Then what's wrong with _you_, huh?", yeah, that'd shut her up. Human beings have a natural tendency to avoid unpleasant memory and would normally seek to deflect the topi-

"That's a great idea! Go ahead!"

My eyes twitched. _Bitch, a great idea with be me setting everything in my room up and sleeping for a day!_ Would be what I would say if it weren't for the filial piety indoctrination installed inside me.

At this point, I was exhausted from the hike, while simultaneously being assaulted socially from some _gaijin_ woman over the radio.

Needless to say, my defense crumbled.

"Fine… what do you mean by that?" I said tiredly, giving up the idea of pushing back, and just automatically follow along with whatever this pushy woman wanted.

"Well, you take a stab at what's wrong with me." hm, American culture use idioms a lot, so it means… guessing the problem she had to have gone here?

Welp, when faced with potentially walking on social landmines, being blunt is the best option. Source: Me.

"Okay. You went here because everyone at home cannot stand your charming personality, which after this introduction, does not surprise me at all." I said in the driest voice possible.

"Ouch! And here I thought Japanese were supposed to be super polite and reserved. I was going to say "like father like son" somewhere down the line but clearly it has skipped a generation." She replied sarcastically. Lady, if you think you can insult me with effect, then you clearly have never met someone like Yukinoshita.

"Ugh… may I sleep now, please? Now that that's over?" please let me sleep come on Delilah.

"Nope! Now, it's my turn…" oh my god. Can't imagine what will come out of that head of hers.

"Well, from what your dad had told me" I'm going to make Komachi bully you after this, dad. "I think you are a loner, from what I can tell. You sound like that guy from my high school days that always sit somewhere inconspicuous and observe people, and occasionally say some pretty insightful but simultaneously super creepy stuff." If this was a shounen anime I would've popped a vein on my head, "and now someone said that to your face and you got pissed off and got violent. So you're here to cool down before coming back." She finished with an unusually satisfied tone.

"So was I right?"

There was a long silence.

"Good night, Delilah" fuck it, too lazy for honorifics right now.

"Hah! Good night. Welcome to the job." She said, right before I hang up the radio.

I slowly sat on the newly made bed, and lied down.

"This is gonna be a long summer, huh?"

I lose consciousness a few seconds later.


	2. At Ease

_Day 1_

"…_So, Eight-"_

"_Eight?"_

"_Your name literally translates to eight man, hence, Eight!"_

"…"

"_Anyway, how's your old man doing? It's been, what, nearly 2 decades since we last met?"_

"… _He's fine. Well, if you call being a diligent corporate slave and absent father fine. Aside from that, they're… doing okay, I guess."_

"_Damn, you don't hold your punches, do you?"_

"_Why should I? Euphemisms require effort, with little return in investments. Therefore, there are no logical reasons to twist my words."_

"… _If only everyone else was blunt like you. So Kento's not often at home?"_

"_Both my parents, really. I don't know about the average American work hour, but our parents only come home at eleven pm, and at that point they just want to sleep. They're not neglectful, just… absent."_

"…_I see. How do you feel about that?"_

"_I'm… well, to be honest, I am a bit resentful to my parents about that. It's not like they mean it or anything, but work is a necessity for them, and I love them for sacrificing their time to provide for our family… but I'd rather die than becoming a wage slave like them."_

"_Hah, I'll second that! It's nice that you are fine with them being what they are. A lot of kids your age in your situation tends to end up with daddy issues, if you get what I mean. Seriously, they're the worst!"_

"…_Who says I don't a problem with them?"_

"_I never said anything about 'problem' per say, just... well, more of an understanding, I guess? Not a lot of people understand that time is precious, especially for parents. You're different than most... or American teenagers at least."_

_"How'd you know what being a parent is like anyway? You're here during summer, so don't tell me you left your children at home."_

_"...Err... Aaaanyway, I'll let you focus back on finding our firework pyromaniacs. Call me whenever you want to talk."_

_"Hey, you didn't answer my question! Delilah?..."_

* * *

A few guitar chords can be heard in an empty classroom.

Hikigaya Hachiman sighed, sitting on a chair in the middle of the classroom, looked at the well-worn guitar he's holding, and remembered.

It was a strange mixture of nostalgia and longing. He knew the emotions were lies, just like his youth.

But he accepted it all the same.

Hachiman took a deep breath, and flicked the strings, the guitar paved the way as his voice follows.

"_I'm headed off to Ol' Shoshone_

_Where the birds and bees won't know me_

_Where men and war don't exist no more_

_And there ain't no gals to keep no score_

Footsteps can be heard outside the classroom, and a tuff of pink hair can be seen peeking out from the small gap in the sliding doorway. Hachiman, absorbed within his own emotions, did not notice this.

_I'm taking off for the woods_

_To a place where there ain't no shoulds_

_Don't need no books, I'll ponder the ponderosas_

_Don't need no lady, I'll marry the mariposas_

_I can't waste no time getting there_

_I'll do eighty down eighty without a prayer_

_Don't need no gal, I'll spruce up for the spruces_

_Don't need no pal, I'll change my mood for the mooses"_

The classroom door dented inside microscopically, almost as if there was another presence leaning against it.

"_I'm headed off to Ol' Shoshone_

_Where the birds and bees won't know me_

_Where men and war don't exist no more_

_And there ain't no gals to keep no score_

_If you're wondering where's my ass been_

_It's been cavorting amongst the aspens_

_Don't need no grass, I'll get altered among the alders_

_Don't need no mass, I'll grovel before the boulders…_

_I'm headed off to Ol' Shoshone_

_Where the birds and bees won't know me_

_Where men and war don't exist no more_

_And there ain't no gals to keep no score_

_I'm headed off to Ol' Shoshone_

_Where the elk and the owls won't know me_

_Where there ain't no judges to whom I gotta plea_

'_Cause I can be me… in Ol' Shoshone."_

* * *

It was the second time I played the song, and I can't help but thought about how fitting it described my experience, despite being written by some random blokes out in the forest. They probably went through something similar.

It was only there that I was truly Hikigaya Hachiman. I found out that I wanted something genuine, no unsaid words between relationships, no ambiguity between people. A desire for such a thing might have been thought to be impossible if I was back at Japan; I would have felt trapped, constrained by the façade that society have constructed for each and every one of us, as an insider perspective might have.

But there, in the forest of Shoshone, I had time to think.

I had other perspectives. And I knew it's not impossible.

I guess, sometimes you just need to change the lenses in which you view the world, in order to get in touch with yourself…

…

…That sentence was really cheesy, holy crap. If Komachi had heard that she would've callen me Ojiisan. Blegh.

Though… guess all that blabbering about "soul-searching" in the wilderness by the Americans were true all along, huh?

I never was a sappy guy; I took life in stride, firm in my beliefs, and rationalize (sometimes wrongly) about everything. Feelings such as what I am experiencing right now is just out-of-character for a person such as I. Man, now I have to reevaluate my stance on the whole "changing myself" now! A scene with Yukino in the first year came unbiddenly to my mind.

Aaaagh, yet another identity crisis! I'm way too young for this!

I checked my phone for the time, and found out that there is still 10 minutes until club time. I put it back in my pocket, and play a vocal-less song I learnt from the many tapes scattered among the Shoshone wilderness, before setting the guitar back leaning at the wall, and slowly walked out the classroom. Next destination: The Service Club. Meeting Yukinoshita and Yuigahama together in the club again after months would be… nice.

So imagine my surprise when Yui was inches away from my face when I opened the door.

…

"Yo."

She quickly backpedaled and sputtered, "Oh, h-hey, Hikki! Y-you have a really nice voice!" Do I? Not like I had a reference alone in the middle of a forest.

"Thanks Yui" I replied. I glanced to her side, and saw Yukinoshita standing beside. I looked at her questioningly.

"Hikigaya-kun, I didn't know you speak English, much less enough to sing a song." She said… disdainfully? Enviously? It's hard to tell. Though I swear I saw an envious expression on her… that has a lot of implications, heh heh.

"Yeah, well, you're right." Yukino blinked in surprise, "I wasn't. I spent the summer in the US, though. That might have something to do with it." I smiled. Why does she look so surprised? "And did you just compliment me, Yukinoshita? Did the summer heat finally melt the chilly heart of our resident ice-queen?"

There was an awkward lull in conversation.

Hey, I just saw her blush!

She looked back at me, with a strange expression upon her face. "…You've changed, Hikigaya."

I blinked. "How so?" We started walking towards the direction of the clubroom.

Yukino stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"… I think what Yukinon was trying to say was that… you just smiled, Hikky! It's just so rare, especially when the smile was so not-creepy like your typical ones!" Yui, sometimes you are too honest for your own good.

Never change.

"She's right." Yukinoshita added. "And even rarer still was you agreeing to me. Usually you are much more impulsive and, as you have once said, _'edgy'_ in our daily interactions."

"Oi, woman, don't quote myself against me, out of context quote makes you vulnerable against logical fallacy, which is unbecoming of you, Yukinoshita!"

"Though, I have to say…" I quickly said, cutting off her rebuttal. "It's nice to meet you both again." I smiled genuinely at the both of them.

There was a short pause, as Yui and Yukino looked at each other, as if communicating through telepathy. What are they saying to each other? Am I missing some context? Sure I've changed, but not _that_ much, though, right?

They both looked at me and replied.

"Likewise" said Yukino with a small smile.

"It's nice to have you guys back, too!" Yui replied enthusiastically, giggling as she did so.

She continues. "So Hikky, you missed so much last summer! Me and Yukinon met Hiratsuka-sensei while shopping, and she got us to go to this summer camp…"

…

I'm finally home.


	3. Dilemma

_Day 41_

"…_Aaahh, high school drama. Some things are just universal, huh? Let me guess, she then said something vague filled with a lot of underlying meanings, leaving you with a bunch of confusing emotions and questions."_

"_That is… scarily accurate. Seems like teenage girl behaviors are also universal…"_

"_We girls are pretty archetypal when you get down to it. Anyway, what's important is that did you confront her about it later on? I mean, obviously you didn't, but you should. Just saying."_

"…"

"_Letting the tension build up overtime is very bad long term – the more you push it off, the harder it will be to lay it bare to each other later on. 'Specially you, Eight, 'cause from what I can get of the whole 'nice girl' monologue you gave me earlier, you have major trust issues, which is only going to build up tension in time… It's no way to live, paranoid like that."_

"… _It's not that simple, and hey, it's a perfectly valid monologue!"_

"_No wonder you have no idea how to deal with this situation… look, I get how you are feeling – that the relationships that you have is really fragile and is everything to you, but you're just overthinking things. The solution to your dilemma is really simple."_

"…_Don't tell me it's to tal-"_

"_Talk about it. With each other."_

"_No seriously."_

"_Yes seriously! You youngsters always exaggerate every social interaction, especially tension between boys and girls, but it doesn't have to be that way, you know? It's irritating to see how teenagers tip-toe around topics like that and never say what they really want to say. Like what are you, twelve?"_

"…"

"_Hahh, look. I… did a lot of things and said a lot of things back in high school that, well, a hormonal me would, and often times the things I communicated through those actions and talking are very different from what I intended. Those girls reminded me a lot of those times, from what you said. And also, guess what's the major problem that's common in my teenage years, and yours?"_

"…_Communication?"_

"_Exactly. You guys – and most teenagers for that matter - are sending mixed signals all over the place, to the point where I don't think you guys even know what each other are trying to say. It's confusing and is a perfect breeding ground for comedy high school drama."_

"…_There are just some things that you just can't communicate, you know."_

"_Ugh, I hate it when teenagers say that. Alright, I'll humor you then. Why so, Eight?"_

…

"…_Now that I think of it, the only thing stopping me was my willingness to keep the status quo and... yeah. Huh. Not so different from Hayama after all… anyway, as much as I hate to feed your ego and say it, but you might be right, Delilah."_

"_Gosh darn, a compliment from you, Eight? You really know how to make a girl feel special!"_

"…_I take it back. But seriously, as logical sounding the argument was, I don't think I can do it. We're not close enough for stuff like that yet, I think. Not sure if it's worth the risk, also…"_

"_Well, 'waiting for the right time' is a procrastinator excuse, but it's also a valid one, sometimes. Besides, think of it as a… test of the strength of your relationship, of sorts. You said that you hated superficial relationships, right? Then this is it."_

"…_Maybe. Thanks."_

"_No problem. Always happy to help a teenager get past his self-worth and social issues… Damn, haven't ranted this long for quite some time now, whew!"_

"_You sound like you have experience talking about teen stuff, though. Where did that come from?"_

"_Well, you're not the first teen that's been here. See, a few years ago, there's this kid, Brian Goodwin, who got stuck with his dad, Ned, here, as a watcher, just like you, through his summer break…"_

* * *

The three of us sat down on our respective place in the clubroom. The scene is practically the same as always; one would think that nothing had changed since the last time we were here, with Yuigahama animatedly chatting, and Yukinoshita and I listening along. I comfortably ease into the group dynamic of the room.

"…and the girl – Rumi Tsusomething – reminded us so much of you and Yukino combined! Like, she's brooding and weird and clever like both, cold and distant like Yukino, alone and hard-headed like you. I think you would've liked her if you were with us!" finished Yuigahama.

"I don't think it would've been wise to let Hikigerma close and infect sweet little Rumi with his ideology." Yukinoshita countered. "Can you imagine Rumi with that dead fisheye of his? We'd have a mini-Hikigaya running around, looking at boys and girls alike with that creepy dead fish gaze of his – or rather, her!"

Both girls simultaneously shivered.

Hey, I resemble that! I narrowed my eyes. "Oi, I'll have you know that I am a perfect role model for every loner out there! I mean, I think for myself instead of conforming to the standards of society, self-sacrifice for the greater good, and..." I pause.

Their expression was entirely unexpected. Yukinoshita steeled her face into a neutral expression, while Yuigahama grimaced, as if – is reminded by a bad memory.

Oh, right. I forgot about that tidbit.

When given a lot of free time, we tend to reflect upon our past memories, the 'what ifs' and possibilities of our actions, which can spawn a lot of guilt, self-hatred, and epiphanies. Case in point, me spending an entire summer with nothing to do in the middle of the mountain ranges, having tons of time alone for introspection.

In simpler terms, one tends to see the fuck up of one's own life much easier.

Especially with someone else to bounce said thoughts off of. Delilah was a great conversation partner; she's like the sarcastic part of Yukino blended with a metaphorical sponge.

In short, a perfect listener. Apparently she got that a lot, "comes with too much free time spent with a group of people who like to rant", she had once said, "People like you, for that matter".

Point is, I have done so much reflection, I might as well have achieved Enlightenment. Things previously hazy and unclear, now became… well not much clearer, but organized. Obvious in hindsight.

And if things are compartmentalized, I can draw connections between them much easier.

That doesn't mean I have the guts to actually act on said connections though…

"Uh, ha ha, sure Hikky… So, what about your summer? Was this _Shoshone_ the place you went to for break?" Yui you're a life saver, whew. Eager to change the subject, I quickly replied.

"Wow, even someone of your stature knows English, and fluent, at that? Color me surprise." Seriously, Yuigahama is the last person anyone would think of to know a second language with such fluency.

"Hikki, you jerk! Of course I know, its part of the syllabus!" said Yuigahama indignantly.

"Sorry, just teasing you. Anyway, I did, in fact, go to the Shoshone national park in the US last summer. I went there to work as a fire watch."

There was a gasp. "Hikigaya-kun, you… _had a job?_ Did I hear that right? You, Mr. "to work is to lose" worked an honest job and got compensation for it officially, _in your summer break no less_?!" Oi, woman, you don't have to look so surprised to insult me!

"Better than being a corporate slave for the rest of your life, which you will most likely become, Yukinoshita" I shot back. "Besides, the job doesn't even have that much work in it; there's so little work that most of the time you can do whatever you want, and stay at the tower all day. The work to benefit ratio are off the chart! Minimal input, maximum return!"

We chatted for a while, with me talking about my time as a firewatch, Delilah – "You spent 2 months with a female? I feel bad for that woman." – discuss various inconsequential things, shoot metaphorical projectiles back and worth with Yukinoshita, and Yuigahama chirping about even more inconsequential things.

Man, I never realize just how comfortable I have been when in this club, this… atmosphere.

It really means a lot to me, huh. I can see why I wouldn't want to disrupt the status quo. For this dynamic that we're having to just be… broken apart…

Can't say I've never said this, but it scares me.

A lot.

Add on to that the fact that this is probably the only time where I have a close relationship with someone outside my own family. It's sad, really, that it has gotten to this point.

What do I do? Will I become Hayama, the monster that which I hated, or would I grow a backbone and deal with it _her_ way?

I would need to do a detailed cost-benefit analys-

"-ikky? Hey Hikky! Are you okay? What's with that consi- constipe- con-"

"It's constipated, Yuigahama-san."

"Yeah, constipated, that's the word! So what's with that constipated look on your face, Hikky?" Huh?

I looked at the clock. Oh right, its end of club time. Need to go home. Much as I hate to say it and do so, _I can always deal with it later._ Right now, I just want to go home and relax. Nothing wrong with running away from your problems for a while.

"It's nothing." I said. What's with the weird expressions? Ah crap, did I accidentally add in my tone some sort of unintentional subtexts? Better clear this up.

"Really, it's nothing. I was just thinking introspectively, nothing to worry about." I reassured, before starting to walk out the door. "It's time. We should go."

The walk was quiet. You know, human interaction is incredible tenuous and volatile, prone to change in atmosphere and dynamic at the slightest provocation. By being ambiguous as I was at the end, I have made the air between our group a bit heavier due to speculations on their part.

Gosh, human interactions are so exhausting! Why can't everyone be straight with what they think with each other, instead of jumping through all these artificial hoops that we have created for each other?

One more reason why I decided to remain a 'loner', quote on quote, despite seeing the advantages of forming relationships.

Question is, should I break the ice – heh – and resolve this somehow? Or should I just leave it as it is?

Old me would most likely ignore it; after all, it is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. But now, I know better. Things like this build on gradually, before reaching a certain point of saturation, and blowing up at our face at the worst possible moment. It would be best to nip this in the bud, before it has a chance to grow.

But am I willing to risk it though?

Shoot, we're already outside the gate, if I want to say anything, its now or nev- not never, but argh! So many incentives to just ignore this!

"Hey guys, I, uh…." I quickly blurted out before pausing in nervousness, their eyes on me, locking my limbs in their place. Come on, just nip it in the bud already!

"I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Goddamn it Hachiman, you coward! Ugh, at least I didn't show anything from the outside. Oh well, there's always next time…

"Goodbye, Hikigaya-kun. Have a nice day." Yukinoshita said cooly.

"See you tomorrow Hikky! It was nice to see you again!" Yuigahama saluted playfully, before skipping off with Yukinon.

I watched them leave my view, before sighing. Ugh, at least I don't have to deal with this for the rest of the night.

Haaaah, so tired…

I came home at around 8 am this morning, which means I don't even have the time to go home and unpack before being late for school (and let me tell you, there are no such thing as 'excuse' for not being present at school to our parents. The few times they were at home, they have very clearly established so…). Which is why I changed to the school uniform at the airport, and went straight to school with my guitar at hand and the bags of clothes, which I took great care not to let anyone I know see me with it.

People asking me about it would just be troublesome. I was pretty surprised neither of my clubmates asked me about it specifically; Yuigahama usually was more direct about things like that.

I walked my bike home slowly with the baggage strapped on it, spending brain power on useless thoughts that could've been better spent elsewhere. One of the downsides of valuing relationships more – it lends to you useless overthinking.

I sighed. This is what, the fourth time I've sighed in the last 12 hours? I act like a thirty years old wage slave! I need to go home quicker and see my imouto-chan – her cute presence would be sufficient to eliminate the baggage I'm carrying right now, figuratively and literally. Komachi, I'm coming home!


	4. Home

Subtextual social interactions are present in almost every culture around the world.

From cutthroat political scenes to children's playgrounds, allusions and ambiguity have always been with us since we humans first took our first breath. Our relationships and way we make connections are shaped around speaking with subtexts, which is especially apparent in teenage years due to enough comprehension of interpersonal relationships, and the indecisiveness of acting on them. In a way, we have culturally indoctrinated ourselves into thinking that concepts such as "social landmines" and "insensitivity" have mental weight, and that it is necessary for everyone to wake up every day, and play this game of maneuvering in the way we talk. And people wonder why they find children so refreshing in their bluntness…

Everyone, at least on some level, are aware of this. But that's just all they know, in the end. They've played this game for too long, and they just… play along, simultaneously aware of the artificiality of it and are also unwilling to change it due to personal 'perceived' risks, forever in superficial relationships with everyone they met. As adults, everyone has simply played this game with such a mastery, that most would deem those that are 'socially inept' simply just because they cannot read the social dynamics between people in an instant. Everyone knows who those guys are; some would appear as that young and eager Fucking New Guy in your workplace that constantly asserts their social selves (annoyingly outgoing) outward, that everyone know is just a façade that they put up, but go along with it anyway, with that FNG going with it, oblivious to how others view him until either he had an epiphany, someone getting tired of it and say it to him, or simply being fired by human resources due to "mismanagement of orderly conduct" and undergo an epiphany along with it.

It's sad, really. One look at government politics really shows just how inefficient, needlessly complex and emotionally draining this culture of subtext really is. One can even say that the 'political landscape' of high school is even worse, due to how personal it is, and how 'socially inept' most teenagers are. Case in point, Soba high school. Despite being a (relatively) prestigious school, the only changes you would see from a normal high school would be the sheer "superiority" presence that leaders of most cliques exude. Which is why family relationships are objectively best: where our "friends" and "acquaintances" participate in this silly game of social maneuvering; our family is direct and blunt. It might have been because of the fact that everyone knew each other so intimately, that the line of being embarrassed or "keeping face" as it is known in Japan, is nonexistent when between family members. Or in my case, Komachi and I. She is the only reason why I am not going insane from living in this world, providing me with genuine conversations and real emotions. An anchor of reality in this hazy, complex world that I have unfortunately been born in.

In short, I really missed Komachi, having not seen her for over two months.

"Komachi, I'm back!", I uncharacteristically slammed the door inward, shuffling quickly inside with a guitar on my back and two duffle bags on each hand.

Rapid footsteps can be heard, quickly approaching from inside the house. "Onii-san!", a Komachi-shaped missile slammed into me. Instinctively, I dropped the bags and use that momentum to swing her around, relishing the warm feeling in my cold, beating heart.

My imouto-chan was right, as always; a hug always makes me act warmer than usual. Must've shown that in the other times we hugged.

Komachi buries her face onto my shoulder, squeezing me with an impossible strength considering her size. "Bro, it's been so long, I missed you so much!"

Chuckling earnestly, I squeezed back with similar strength. "I missed you too, Komachi. It's been a while, huh?", two months is way to long. I've never been away from her for any time over a week since… she ran away. No, bad thoughts, now's not the time for gloomy thinking; I'm home, and Komachi's here. She's safe and sound. Not anywhere that could be of danger to her. I promised, after all. Fuck, now I feel bad for leaving Komachi all alone over the summer… she has some friends, sure, and people to chat with, but I of all people should know how lonely it was, coming home to an empty house. The crushing emptiness of lack of familiar presence of eachother that permeated the atmosphere on _that _day.

It makes me sick.

"Uh, bro? Your eyes are looking way more rotten than your typical gaze right now." Damn, I'm way to introspective lately, gotta fix it somehow. Problems for later. I looked at her in the eye. I was returned with a questioning glance.

I can feel the (most likely accurate) assumptions within her mind. She's probably seeing straight through the guilty face I'm making right now. Ugh, now's not the time for heavy stuff like this. We can talk about this some other time.

I relaxed my face, outwardly displaying a tired expression.

"Well, your big bro's just pretty tired from the trip right now. Let me organize my stuff for a bit and I'll help you out with dinner, yeah?" I released her from my grasp and ruffle her hair a bit with a small smile, before picking my stuff back up and head to my room. No need to worsen the mood for all of us. At the corners of my eyes, I can see a flash of understanding from Komachi's expression, before the door closed behind me.

Later, I told to myself.

Finishing up the last folded clothes in the closet, and dirty laundries in the washing machines, I walked out to the kitchen and started bringing out the ingredients for… what should we have for dinner today anyway? Hm…

"Yo, Komachi, are you feeling up for some Western cuisines?" I asked Komachi, who is handling a cutting board with knives at the side.

"As long as it's not so greasy like _KFC_, sure!" If that's the case…

"How about some _Salisbury_ steak with oven-grilled veggies and gravy? Oh, and I just saw some leftover chicken stock in the fridge, so maybe some chicken noodle soup as a side?"

"Suh-lis-bur-ree steak? What's that?"

"Think of a meatier western burger patty, but a lot less greasy and designed to be eaten on its own. Wanna try it?"

"Uh huh, that sounds fine. So what do we need?"

"Alright, you'll go and defrost some ground beef, while I will get the seasoning for that…"

In a flurry of mixing, grilling, searing, simmering, and – "itadakimatsu" - eating, dinner was over in a breeze.

As I put down the chopsticks, I almost burped, before realizing that I am now in Japan, and it is a mortal sin to even think of doing so. Being alone out in the woods often means relaxing your manners… not like there's anyone out there to judge you for what you want to do. Looking to distract myself from the gas I just swallowed, I begin putting stacking the dishes together and prepare them for washing. Komachi stood up from her chair and leap to the sofa, crashing into the cushion with a muffled sound, and soon the idle chatters from the TV filled the silence of the house.

I sat down next to her after finishing the dishes.

Some say that we have a sixth sense when it comes to sensing other people's thoughts. That there are some sort of 'mirror neurons' that give us premonitions of social situations. They're probably pseudo-science of the Americans infecting the internet, but right now, I am very inclined to believing in that.

It wasn't an awkward atmosphere by any means, but it was a little bit tense, nonetheless.

"Hey bro, you OK? You're a little tense, over there…" Komachi asked with a concerned look on her. Never mind, that shit _is _pseudoscience.

"Yeah, it's just… sorry for leaving you alone the entire summer. You know how it is." I apologized.

Komachi looked surprised for half a second, before her expression changed to warmth and understanding.

"Hey, it's okay onii-san. I'm fine."

"Yeah, but still, I left you alone even though I could have done something else…"

The subtext is so heavy I can practically taste it.

"Nuh uh, don't think like that! It's not like you could just drag me off with you. That summer was for you alone! You deserved it!" She said hotly. I didn't look that bad before the summer, now did I?

She continues. "Besides, I can take care of myself, you know? You're such a sis-con! Oh, that must have earned me a lot of points!" She finishes with a gesture of her hand. Heh. Maybe I am a bit of a worrywart.

"Heh, that's probably true. But that's why I am such a good brother, ya know? I can cook, do our laundries, and almost every housework so that you don't have to! Oh, that's worth a lotta points in my book, huh?" I laughed, before simmering down with a smile.

I stood up and yawned while stretching. It's been a long day today. Sleeping on the airplane is an experience I would not ever want to go through ever again. Ugh, I can feel a ghost of a nausea flash through my head. I started to say goodnight, before stopping. I looked at the grinning Komachi, before sitting back down.

"Oh, and before I go."

"…Eh?!"

I hugged her. "Love you, Komachi. You're the best imouto-chan that a brother could ever ask for."

"…Heh, I knew there's a soft side to you somewhere inside. I love you too, bro!" She squeezed the air out of me for a few brief seconds, before softening the hold. We parted, and I begin to move to my room to call it in for tonight.

"I think I'm going to sleep early today… sleeping on the plane is not the best experience. 'Night Komachi."

"I can imagine, goodnight!"

I closed the door.

I went to the bathroom, and begin my nightly ritual in the familiar room. Wow, it's weird how quickly I changed from brushing my teeth from the kitchen sink in the middle of the forest to a normal bathroom in the span of 24 hours. It's a bit jarring, to say the least.

Standing next to my bed afterwards, I let gravity take over, and fell on the bed.

That night, I dreamt of a forest with a lonely watchtower, as tall as the sky, omnipresent of everything around it.

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A/N: Anything to improve? Opinions and such, also. Just leave a review.


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